We're not lost. We're following the yellow thick hose.

Dude. Des. Tell me you're alive, man.

Best. Rocking. Job. Ever. Seriously, Botanikal Man is freaking awesome. We get to do great things and I helped get rid of a not so great guy the other day. He was slimey and had this really long slimey hair. It was seriously messed up. I never want to quit this. Ever. Like not even when I'm ninety or anything. And Tegan is working for Protaman or whatever his name is. And he's famous and helps people and stuff. And she's helping him out. It's seriously fantastic. I added a verse about her new job and everything, and plan to get it totally stuck in her head the next time we meet up.

You know, the X men movie franchise would have been a whole lot better if they'd left it at two.

( Filtered to Tegan )
( Filtered to Des )

YES.

( Private )

Hmm, did anyone else wake up a member of the other side? I'm guessing some kind of villainy is afoot or something.

But hey, I can now get away with dating lesbians, heck yes!

( Filtered to Tegan )

So.........

What's everyone doing for Thanksgiving?

Anyone interested in an End of the World party?

Well Happy Halloween!!! I thought I'd start off the proceedings with a bunch of dire true epitaphs that have actually been found on graves throughout the country. The moral=be good people...tomorrow.

Edit: Oh and anyone interested in joining in a Halloween scavenger hunt like no other is welcome. Instructions shall be issued at a later point.

( True epitaph greatness )

I'm going to start a protest movement. Against bars. Otherwise known as Straight Things Of Unspeakable Evil. I'm not talking about the drinking variety, though those should really just stick with the name 'pub' to combat such negative connotations so that they aren't associated with the vile things any longer. Really there can't be any thing good about They Who Should Not Be Named. Everyone's raising and lowering them, and people are always walking into them and saying Ouch. It's cruel that they've been allowed to go on so long without paying for their horrendous crimes. And on that note, criminals are always slipping through them. As are other shady people, or was that cracks....I'll protest those too. I love my mother. This world should not be allowed to have things that could potentially break her back. These menaces are EVERYWHERE and they must be stopped before it is too late. Start the anti bar shape revolution! Save our bleeding country!!!

Some Mole Terms(to use today to celebrate):
demoleition - The destruction which moles bring about in your yard.

dismole - being gloomy on Mole Day

imoleble - anything that does not have to do with a mole

mol - the symbol for mole

mole-mole - a mole double agent

molearchy - government in which moles are in complete control; under this government Mole Day is celebrated three times a year and chemistry is the only scientific subject taught in school

molebile - a mole which hangs from the ceiling; also a term describing anything which can move rapidly inderground

molect - the obsessive collection of Mole Day stuff including T-shirts, lawn decorations, pins, and endless other things

molectomy - the study of a mole's insides

molehill - a large hill made of dirt in your backyard, formed from moles borrowing underground; also a term used to describe anything that's pesky

moleism - the continual reverence of moles

molelaberate - working together on a project which includes moles

moleodic - a word describing the Mole Day songs which are played over the loudspeaker

moleskito - a tiny molelike creature with wings which drinks the blood of anyone who doesn't remember when Mole Day is

remoletly - obscurely having to do with a mole

remolte control - a devise used by moles to watch all their favorite television shows, such as Bill Nye the Science Guy and the Discovery Channel, particularly used by lazy papa moles

sophmole - anyone in the tenth grade who is taking Chemistry already

thermole - an adjective describing a mole of a highly explosive substance


Mole fact:
If you had a mole of pennies you could give one million dollars to all your friends every day until you die and still die the richest person ever.


MOLE JOKES :
Q: Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
A: It's mole-itically incorrect

Q: What is a mole's favorite movie?
A: The Green Mole

Q: What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
A: Moletiplication

Q: What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
A: Watermolens

Q: Why was there only one Avogadro?
A: When they made him, they broke the Moled

Q: What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
A: Moleonucleosis

Q: What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A: A bunch of Moleasses

Q: What line from Shakespeare do high school moles have to memorize?
A: "To mole or not to mole, this is the question."

Q: What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream?
A: Oil of Molay

Q: How much does Avogadro exaggerate?
A: He makes mountains out of mole hills

Q: What element do moles love to study in chemistry?
A: Molybdenum

Q: What is Avogadro's favorite kind of music?
A: Rock 'N' Mole

Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?
A: A chocolate Molted

Q: What happens when a mole bites a dog?
A: He becomes Moleicious!

Q: Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?
A: Father Molecahy

Q: What was Avogadro's favorite Indian tribe?
A: The Molehawks

Q: What do you call a mole that isn't blind?
A: an anomoley! hahahahahahahaha

Q: What's Avogadros favorite chip dip?
A: Quacamoley!

Q: What do you call a hair do that's shaped like a mole?
A: A Mole-it! hahahahahaha

Q: What do you call an abnormal garden growth that moles avoid?
A: A mole-ignant tuber!



Ways to celebrate this day:
1. Tell everyone mole jokes that you have heard, or that you make up
2. Instead of using your usual exclamatory phrase, use "Holey Moley!"
3. Use Mole terms.
4. Count in moles.
5. Make yourself a mole nose and wear it.
6. Participate in the nearest Molympics.

THE TEN COMMOLEMENTS!
1. Thou shalt not use 6.02 x 10 to the 23 in vain.
2.Thou shalt not use the term mole if thou has no true knowledge of the term mole.
3. Thou shalt not kill a mole.
4.Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's mole.
5.Thou shall always remember to celebrate Mole Day.
6.Thou shalt not disparage Mole Day.
7.Thou shalt not use a mole out of season.
8. Thou shalt always honor the one who introduced thou to Mole Day.
9. You shalt always keep sacred 10/23.
10.Thou shalt always remember these commolments or thou will never properly celebrate Mole Day.

For the Moliday Virgins: Mole day is the world wide celebration mostly by chemistry people, and some people who know nothing of chemistry except this day, of Avogadro and his invention of moles. It is held on October 23 or June 6, from 6:02 am to 10:23 pm for obvious reasons. So consider yourself informed, and let the moleific celebration commence.

Well things have certainly been busy around here these days. This is probably one of the few times where a comment is actually warranted. In any case, first off congratulations are in order.

Congratulations Sav, you didn't even have to use the president shtick after all!

Congratulations Des, I'm sure you'll make a great anarchist.

Congratulations Joss, you will certainly do that part justice, and give my sister something very interesting to watch.

Congratulations Imogen, I'm sure you'll keep that Bunny Brigadier in line.

And congratulations Autumn, I'm sure you'll have a great time, and there won't be a person in the audience who doesn't want to race up there and help you carry all of your bags. Where is Mr. Jefferson when you're going through all that manual labor anyway?
( Private to Autumn )

Oh and congratulations everyone else that I don't really know, but I'm sure you were very well cast.

On a much much different note: I am so sorry about what has happened these past few days. I didn't know Dalton, or Deiniol for that matter, but I do know that some of my friends thought extremely highly of him, and are devastated by their loss. Gus, no idea who you are, but good job, and get well soon. My three favorite C's, hang in there, I know this must be extremely tough for all of you. You have my deepest sympathies, and if you ever need a shoulder, I've got two that are readily available.

My younger sister is coming to visit tomorrow. I really don't know what to expect. We haven't established what kind of sibling relationship we have yet. Are we close? Are we bickering? Can we stand the sight of each other? I hope we're bickering. I've never had a bickering sibling before. We could argue about the shade of the sky. It would be great.

Highly Controversial Philosophical Debate Round Two:

The Issue: What is the true meaning of the universe?

Chinese proverb of the day:

Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.

My niece's tyrannical reign began a few days ago. The troops have tried to remain strong, but tensions are on the rise. You can't escape Karma, no matter how hard you try. We are a defeated, defeated people. There's no where to run, no place to retreat and gather our strength to turn this battle around. She is EVERYWHERE. We're completely at her mercy, and she revels with this fact. She says she's a princess, but that's what all dictators say. All we can do is batten down the hatches, wait, and pray desperately that the hero of this tale will stop chasing other less threatening villains, and get his priorities straight so that he will come back to end the Reign of Terror this menace is inflicting on his homeland. Rations are low, moral is down, and the chances of us making it alive to winter are getting slimmer by each toss of her evil minions. There is no end in sight. We can try our best to appease her, try to get Good Karma, instead of bad, you don't want bad Karma, but you know what they say, karma is a fickle.....or was that Destiny?

( Private )

So I went on a date with Autumn last night. We went to this old theater downtown, and saw this totally rocking horror movie called The Deadly Mantis. It was pretty scary. I mean strings just descend from the sky and control a gigantic mantis as it destroys a military base, Freddy Kreuger couldn't think of something like that. Remember all, in all the kingdom of the living, there is no more deadly or voracious creature than the Preying Mantis. Oh and atomic energy is bad, stay away from it kiddies, or you may just cause a volcano to erupt and release a Deadly Mantis that can only be killed by a huge quantity of nerve gas or Raid. I'd better not go on, I might spoil the ending of this horrifying tale, and the genre was not tragedy horror, it was just all around horrifying horror. Just ask Autumn, she'll tell you how horrifying it was. I don't think she'll ever look at a preying mantis the same way again. It was totally scarring. You should have seen the desperation in her when we played movie arcade, she fought like it was her last chance to win. Like at any moment, we just may be under siege by a gigantic green clawed DEADLY creature. I took her to Antiquity Pier afterwards for dinner to try and make her feel better, but not even being offered a pony and marriage, or both at the same time, could have made her feel better. And then of course there was that part where we made out I think the movie corrupted her innocence and optimistic view on life. I mean how can you think about puppies or rainbows when you know there's an ice berg with giant insects somewhere just waiting to be released and destroy us all. Next time we'll have to go to a rom com.

Oh and if anyone is wondering, the french totally had it coming.

I got a raise. What can I say, except that my boss is totally rocking tastic, and I have awesome diversion skills. Tegan can even ask my video games. You are now looking at a guy who makes 10 cents more an hour than he did previously. Hold your hats! At this rate it won't be long until my wealth sky rockets me straight up there to lower middle class!! Soon I might be so rich that I'll actually have to pay taxes! What, my friends, do I intend to do with this rockingly awesome increase? Two words. Swedish fish. Or juju bees. I haven't quite decided on the details.

I think the telemarketers are getting smarter. It's quite disturbing. They just don't believe my "I don't speak English" excuse like they used to. Hmm, maybe it would help if they spoke English. I'll keep that in mind the next time I call them.


In other news, Botanikal Man caught a Catwoman copycat. Can you believe the irony of that phrase? She really should have practiced with that whip a bit more. Also I intend to date every available single woman in the area, who is not completely psychotic, or related.



Oh and here is another intellectual challenge for you all:
http://www.notdoppler.com/theimpossiblequiz.php